Wham! Slam(mer) thank you Man!

15 Sep

Apologies for the heading  – I think I must be turning into a “Red-top” tabloid newspaper editor! Is this what writing does to you?

Viewers of the news in the UK (and all over the world, for all I know) cannot have failed to notice that on 14th September, George Michael the singer, formerly one-half of the group “Wham!” in the 1980s, was jailed for 8 weeks after being found guilty of crashing his Range Rover while high on Cannabis. He will serve only half of it in “stir” and the rest out on licence.

While I cannot, of course, stress strongly enough that this is a matter of the utmost seriousness, there were a couple of amusing aspects to it.

Firstly, he crashed his vehicle into a shop called “Snappy Snaps” which led me to wonder whether the Police case was, at least partially based on photographic evidence!

Secondly, the TV report went to great length to show the panelling on the shop front in question where some wit with a marker pen had drawn an arrow to the worst of the damage and had added the word “WHAM!”

Finally, I would like to know just who it was that came up with the idea that banging him up (if you’ll pardon the expression) in a prison full of desperate and deprived MEN would count as a punishment!

Given George’s known preferences I would have thought he would have been dreading four weeks in Holloway!

One way or another there’ll be a few bars of soap dropped in THOSE showers over the next month!

The only newspaper headlines I’ve seen about it are the dreadful and predictable alterations to Wham! and GM song lyrics:

“Lock me up before you go go”

“”Careless Whimper”

And various references to “Freedom”.

But the best one I’ve heard was from my elder daughter as we watched the news on TV – a simple change to the first line of “Outside” –  one of his solo hits:

“Let’s go inside!”

Perhaps she should be the tabloid journalist!



Posted by on September 15, 2010 in Uncategorized


5 responses to “Wham! Slam(mer) thank you Man!

  1. Mike V.

    September 15, 2010 at 4:11 pm

    If he was high on HASH – I’m surprised he was going FAST enough to HAVE an accident!

  2. Lala

    September 15, 2010 at 4:20 pm

    you don’t get *high* on weed. You get *stoned*. My young’uns forever tell me off for making this mistake so the least i can do is pass some education on to you older chaps.

  3. Mike T

    September 15, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    I was texted a joke by a mate earlier today along the lines of Georgie having already penned his next hit single in prison, inspired by his skinhead cellmate. The title? “Hairless Fister”!!!!! Sorreeeeee!!!

  4. sumpnado

    September 25, 2010 at 9:54 am

    All interesting because I had missed the story. Actually, I have missed most of the MUSIC from 1970 to the present day because I have been over 30 during that period. Teens and twenties are the time for following popular music and being imprinted with positive associations by its styles of the time.

    However, I must raise the issue of the outrageous social injustice involved in penalizing a citizen for using mostly-harmless happy-herbs, which our honourable ancestors discovered to have the positive and invaluable qualities of easing pain and angst.

    OK, so the stupid man drove whilst stoned (good thing I read Lala before I wrote this). But that requires a ban for a year and a fine, in my judgement.

    If he had KILLED someone, he needed to have been shot on the spot with full video from police arrival on the scene to the cremation at the city dump, live on the crime channels, so that guilt was clear and no costly trial needed.

    Imprisonment is an overkill by a spiteful class of self-righteous morons who drink and smoke (much worse self-abuses) and think themselves cool.

    I drink but quit smoking in 1966. I would try other stuff ONLY after a careful study of medical evidence, and ONLY if I live long enough for insane Prohibition to be Repealed.

    By the way, good sir Alfred, those inverted commas are an absolute [many rude words] are they not?

    Cy Quick

    PS: Trust me to throw cold water and spoil the joke…

    • littlealfie

      September 27, 2010 at 11:50 am


      Thanks for commenting.

      I’m not sure shooting would be the answer although I agree that a swift and final punishment would be appropriate if he had killed someone. I tend to favour “balancing” as advocated by Robert Heinlein in “Number of the Beast”. This would entail fixing his feet to the pavement where his victim stood and then having someone drive a similar vehicle at him at a similar speed by remote control.

      And what “balancing” would call for as the punishment for a rapist doesn’t bear thinking about!

      By the way “Lala” is my younger daughter who works very hard trying to get the Yoof of Carlisle to volunteer for stuff. I’m fairly sure she was just being disrespectful to me!



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