I left work a couple of minutes early today and the CD inserted into my car music system promptly launched into an old favourite album from those glorious, frequently drunken times at Beaconsfield Road in Ipswich during the mid-1970s. The album in question is “Moontan” from Dutch prog-rockers, Golden Earring. The opening track is the only one that most people even of my generation have heard of, “Radar Love”.
And, rather curiously, by the time I had passed under the factory car park barrier and turned onto my road home and the lyrics “it’s half past four and I’m shifting gear” blasted out, it was exactly that time and I was doing exactly that thing! So if any of my work colleagues saw me laughing aloud as I left – that is why!
All of which is one of my traditional misdirections designed to stop you from guessing too early where I might be going with this piece – the previous paragraphs have nothing WHATSOEVER to do with my topic!
Those of my readers who remember my schooldays will, I have no doubt whatsoever, recall that in addition to our great source of British Radio Comedy, “I’m Sorry I’ll Read That Again”; we also had a great source of American TV Comedy, “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In” to discuss in morning assembly and other inappropriate school locations where laughing out loud was frowned upon.
And I am also in no doubt that said hypothetical school friend will have by now made the connection between the previous paragraph and the title of this article – one Dewey “Pigmeat” Markham, an old style Black American, singer, actor and comedian. “Pigmeat” had, for one whole season of “Laugh-In”, a running sketch featuring him as “His Honor Judge Pigmeat” usually accompanied by snatches of what became his chart hit, “Here Come da Judge!”
Second misdirection! This is not about him or his song! My esteemed fellow blogger (and old school friend) Mike in Thailand is far better at potted biographies like that so I hereby make him a present of that idea for one or other of his THREE blogs.
But here we are, over 350 words in, and you still don’t know what on earth I’m writing about!
OK, I’ve kept you wondering long enough! Although I did mention the EVENT concerned a couple of posts ago (actually July and October last year – doesn’t time fly!).
My little girl Carla (OK she’s twenty eight and damn near as tall as me but we’ll let that pass) is getting married on Saturday!
So I can say that what I really meant in the title was “Here come da Bride”!
There is still about a day and a half to go as I write this and the Bridal Team is assembling – all the Bridesmaids are now present in the house as are my dear lady wife, her sister and her mother. I am thus sharing the place with no less than SEVEN women, ALL talking constantly about some aspect or other of the forthcoming celebration.
It is worth mentioning that the aforementioned Bridesmaids have arrived from the four corners of the world – Michigan, USA; Warrington (somewhere near Manchester, UK) and Stilton, Cambridgeshire, about 6 miles down the A1 from here (OK, I know that’s only three corners)! So what with my daughter Carla and her Aunt, both Essex residents, and my dear Mother-in-law who speaks fluent “Old Lady Rubbish” you may imagine the cacophony of accents now present!
That explains why I have exiled myself to the study and have, therefore, been able to write this uninterrupted – after, that is, I finished the truly excellent Father of the Bride Speech!
This is the last time until it’s all over that I will be able to do this – I am down to run so many errands after work on Friday and on Saturday morning that I certainly won’t have the opportunity to sit at all, let alone at a keyboard! Indeed, I am slightly worried that some of those chores (“What chores?”; “Thanks, I’ll have a Jack Daniels and Coke, nice of you to ask!”) may make me late for trotting my baby down the aisle!
There will be time afterwards, however, and you can be sure that I will give you my twisted take on the ceremony and the ensuing bun-fight as soon as I can.