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“For a ha’porth of tar the ship was lost”!

09 Jul

It was, rather surprisingly, a whole year ago that Faith and I went on our cruise to the Norwegian fjords – that was part of her {age deleted} birthday celebrations and we enjoyed it so much that we’d like to do it again. Not specifically Norway, you understand – it’s the principle of going to places and taking our hotel room with us that we like.

On Saturdays, I must humbly confess, we buy “The Daily Mail”! Not, as I often find it necessary to explain, because it’s a snide, right wing rag that sees home and overseas events solely in terms of their effect upon house prices in South-East England but because it has an excellent TV schedule guide that is worth the 90p cost all by itself!

As for many years now we haven’t we had Rabbits or Guinea Pigs with cages to line, the predominantly black and white part of the paper normally goes, unread, straight into the recycling bin. Today, however, because we are looking to book another holiday soon I took a look at the multiple pages of Cruise advertisements that, along with ads for walk-in baths, conservatory extensions and mobility scooters separate the so-called news content from the sports pages.

And my interest was caught (although not in a way I had expected) by one that I shall now describe to you.

Let me say right now before you jump to any unwarranted conclusions when I start mentioning prices that there is NO WAY that Faith and I (as new “pensioners” hoping that the isolationists who voted recently to run away from the EU instead of fighting it haven’t completely f***ed our pension pot) can afford this cruise even at a “sleeping in a lifeboat” level.

The cruise in question is a 50 night “no flight” (i.e. it starts and ends at Southampton) journey taking in Madeira, various Caribbean islands, Columbia, Panama, Honduras, Belize, Mexico, the USA (New Orleans, Key West, Miami and Charleston), then home via Bermuda and The Azores.

It all happens on the P&O “Oriana” a sister ship of the “Azura” that we were on for a mere week last year and I would LOVE to go on it!

OK, let’s get to the prices (remembering that it’s 7 and a bit weeks and all meals are included) starting with the cheapest “inside” cabin (no windows) which comes in at £4000 PER PERSON.

Outside cabins with a small balcony, of the sort that Faith and I had last year are between £4800 and £7200 PER PERSON. The cheaper ones are described as having a “restricted view”.

Then there is a BIG jump in price to “Deluxe Balcony” cabins at £11000 and three different grades of “suite” from £16000 to £19400. All still PER PERSON!

All of that is supposedly made a little more palatable by the offer of “up to £950” per cabin, suite or whatever (not PER PERSON) spending money. I make that a whole £19 per day for drinks etc.

However, and this is the bit that had me roaring with laughter and deciding to tell YOU about it, there is a footnote linked to a “*” next to the £11000 price mentioned above which reads as follows:

“Book a ‘Deluxe Balcony’ or above and enjoy FREE UK coach transfers”.

You what?! Did I get that right?

Yes, it seems that if I spend between £22000 and £38800 for the two of us to go and live in luxury for nearly two months (with all the luggage that would entail) P&O won’t make me pay for the BUS to get me from Peterborough to Southampton!

Bear in mind our experience last year (see the series “A Life on the Ocean Wave” starting here: https://littlealfie.wordpress.com/2015/07/15/ ) where the coach company restricted our luggage to not much more than we would have been allowed to take on an aeroplane flight and then provided a coach where the air-conditioning broke down and the roof skylights had to be wedged open with paper to allow air in to us!

I am afraid that I may be being just a LITTLE bit snobby about this (especially as I’m not going anyway) but if P&O want me to spent more than a year’s net income on their cruise, I feel that the least they can do is send a BIG car and a driver to take us and our luggage the 200 miles or so to Southampton and back!

I may even insist on a driver with a peaked cap too!

Alfie

 

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Posted by on July 9, 2016 in Holidays

 

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