A Duck nibbled your WHAT?!

23 Jun

Many years ago – so long ago, in fact, that I think I still had a full-time job – I wrote about a holiday and detailed the huge list of other countries and towns where I had singularly failed to catch ANYTHING AT ALL when indulging in holiday fishing. If you wish to read it you can find it here:


This week Faith and I have accompanied our six month old Grandson, his other grandparents and his mummy and daddy to the CenterParcs “resort” at Elveden Forest in Suffolk.

It has been a steaming hot few days so far and as I write the beginnings of this piece outside our villa at 9.30pm on the longest day of the year it is still comfortably warm and still daylight.

If I look up from my notebook and away from the villa I can see nothing but ferns, tall trees and a clear blue sky. Various birds, squirrels and Muntjac deer also make fleeting appearances and off in the distance I can hear a Peacock screeching.

It’s all rather idyllic and what I feel retirement is supposed to be about!

This isn’t our first visit here by any means – Faith and I first came here with our daughters in March 1995, the visit coinciding with our 15th Wedding Anniversary – and was memorable to me for it actually snowing hard while I floated with just my face above water in a gently steaming outdoor pool!

We have returned several times since then, including for my parents’ 50th Wedding Anniversary in 2000 and daughter Hannah’s 18th Birthday in 2001.

After that the main shopping/eating concourse suffered a serious fire and Faith and I returned on our own not long after it reopened after an extensive rebuild. On that occasion we stayed in the hotel by the lake rather than a villa and spent most of our time trying to remember “isn’t that where ‘such and such’ restaurant used to be?” because it was completely unfamiliar in its new form.

I had thought that because I have been here with the current layout in existence there would be no problems finding my way around but that has not been the case. The villas with three bedrooms and an equal number of bathrooms (essential, believe me!) are situated in a bit of the park that did not even exist when last we visited so we are approaching and leaving the facilities at the centre in an unfamiliar way. Indeed, after 3 of our 4 days here I still have to stop and think at every turn despite doing the route from 4 to 6 times a day!

Thus far I have spent a couple of hours swimming (including the “Wild Water Rapids” where I briefly got stuck on a tight bend!) and played Tennis, Table Tennis and Badminton. Of these I have proved best at Table Tennis – I am tall, with long arms and a great deal of the surface area of the table is therefore available to me without the need for all that tedious, sweaty leaping around that the other games entail!

However, as you have probably guessed from the early paragraphs of this story, the most sedentary sport I have taken part in was……… Fishing!

On the grounds that 2 grandmothers plus his mummy and daddy could provide more than enough care and attention for little Xavier, his granddad Pete and I booked fishing permits for the big lake – specifically the fenced off corner free from wind-surfers, water-skiers and massive multi-family sized pedallos.

We arrived on Monday afternoon, picked up our permits early on Tuesday and spent that afternoon on adjacent platforms trying to tempt some of the numerous monster Carp that we could see cruising about just below the surface. They, however, showed no interest whatsoever in our bait offerings and we had to make do with 4 small Roach apiece before returning to the villa before 4pm so that I could go off and get horribly sweaty playing Badminton awfully badly! They should rename the sport “Awfulminton” in honour of my prowess or lack thereof!

On Wednesday we were able to start a bit earlier and fish for longer – again with adjacent (but different) platforms and I was annoyed to see those bloody Carp taking the piss by not only refusing even to look at our bait but also taking a route between the decking we were sitting on and our floats! Some of them were well within the reach of my telescopic-handled landing net and I was seriously tempted to scoop a couple of them out with that, photograph them and put them back!

There is a certain code of honour covering such things though – so I didn’t! Aren’t you proud of me?

I have since discovered that the “wildlife team” here feed those Carp at a regular time and in a place not in the fishing zone so Anglers really have no chance – that IS cheating!

On this second occasion, however, I did hit a patch of much larger Roach and stopped counting when I passed 8 so my total was well into double figures. I was very happy with that!

That was also “finishing on a high” as other booked sports and baby-sitter duties put Thursday out of the picture and the gear had to be re-packed into the car early on Friday.

So, if you bothered to read to the end of my previous piece you will know that it ended with the words “No fish were harmed during the making of this holiday!” Well, because of my careful unhooking and use of barbless hooks, I can still say that. I do, however, feel the need to add to the end of that sentence “…..but at least (and at last) some were actually caught!”

And the odd title of this piece?

Before they learned that I wasn’t going to feed them and went away I was bothered by a number of ducks – one of which thought it would be fun to take a peck at my waggler (it’s a type of float).

The following exchange occurred when I related the story to Faith:

“A duck nibbled your WHAT?!”

“My waggler”.

“Well I’m sure your mother warned you that might happen if you wave it about in public!”

Honestly! What a dirty mind that woman has!



Posted by on June 23, 2017 in Holidays, Travel related


4 responses to “A Duck nibbled your WHAT?!

  1. David Wright

    June 25, 2017 at 6:55 am

    I used to go to Centreparc Elveden (in the off-peak periods, when it was CHEAP) in its EARLY days (the mid-80s) when it was owned by the original Dutch company. Heaven. But then it was sold to a northern English brewery and went down the DUMPER. When it burned down, I was quite pleased (no-one was HURT). But then they announced they were rebuilding it. Boo!
    However, in the mid-90s, I was driving round Europe and after a few weeks, needed a rest. So I stopped off at one of the Dutch ones – and it was still good. Bit of a long way to go for a sauna, if you’re British. There are CLUBS though (and here in Loppers, I have my OWN).
    I prefer to do my fishing at Macro – the pangasius are delicious and come pre-frozen. Oh, you like FISHING? I agree with Spike Milligan: “Fishing is utter MADNESS” – and Steven Wright: “There’s a fine line between fishing – and standing on the shore like an idiot.”

    • Alfie

      June 26, 2017 at 12:34 am

      As a Mensa member who can tend to get a bit elitist about some of the effing stupid opinions and decisions of the other 98% of the population, it does me good sometimes to have it impressed upon me that there are times when even I cannot outwit a bloody FISH!

  2. David Wright

    July 2, 2017 at 6:08 pm

    Hah! I wonder how many of the other Copleston 69-ers are also Mensans? I dare not ask, on the website, for fear of being called an elitist (I might have let it slip in my links and/or scribblings, but no-one seems to have noticed thus far). So it’s you, me – anyone ELSE you know of? Given one needs to be top 2% – and there were about a gross of chaps in our year – p’raps we’re the only ones??

    • Alfie

      July 3, 2017 at 8:54 am

      I think I may have mentioned it at one or more of the two “reunions”!

      What I will probably do is write something here about Mensa and then share it to the FB group as being of local interest.

      Why so?

      Well – see if you can guess where the AGM is this year!

      Clue: it’s a town in Suffolk beginning with “I”.


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